Pastor's Corner
Fr. Dan's homily on January 23, 2005

32nd Anniversary of Roe vs. Wade
The Marital Bed: Procreational, not Recreational

At the Steubenville Youth Conference last summer in Steubenville, Ohio an interesting opportunity arose. In the midst of one of the opening talks on Friday evening, Bob, the excellent Master of Ceremonies made a comment that caught my attention. As he was getting the teens focused on the weekend he also made some remarks about himself and his family. He shared that he was married and had 4 children and then remarked that it was all the children they were going to have. Fr. Parker and I looked at each other, astonished that he would have said that 4 was it, and to say it in front of all those teens who had come to what was and is a very Catholic youth conference centered on the Eucharist.

After the Conference, Fr. Parker and I talked about Bobs remark and what we should do about it. If what he said about only having 4 kids meant that he and his wife were using artificial birth control or contraception, then he had said something which is directly contrary to Catholic teaching. As priests for our kids and representatives of the Church for all those present, we had to do something. We called it a night and went to our rooms after praying and asking the Lord to show us what to do. The next morning Fr. Parker and I met for breakfast and decided that, at the 1st opportunity, I would talk to Bob and ask him what he meant by 4 kids and no more and if he would make some comment to the teens to correct any misperception that he may have given about the Churchs teaching on birth control. Just then Bob walked in, got his breakfast and sat directly across from me. At that moment, as my heart started pounding, I felt like telling God that he had answered my prayers a little too quickly and clearly.

As we made small talk and ate our breakfast, I felt anxious about challenging him concerning his comments to the teens. Then, as he got up to leave, I felt glued to my chair. I could see Fr. Parker praying for me to move (I wish he wouldnt do that!) and to follow Bob who was now leaving the caf. At that moment I felt the Holy Spirit pick me up and practically throw me after Bob. I caught up with him in the hallway and asked if we could talk on the way to that mornings conference. He said we had to hurry or he would be late. So, with a prayer in my heart, I plunged right in. I told him that he was a great and gifted speaker who had the youth totally into the conference. And that with that kind of gift every word he said had weight. I shared with him that our teens are taught about the Churchs teaching against artificial birth control and why it is not good for marriages and that his 4 and no more comment had seemed to contradict what we are as a pro-life parish and as Catholics. He stopped, looked at me, thanked me for my concern and then shared that their last child had to be their last because both wife and child almost died during pregnancy and that she had to have unavoidable surgery that made future pregnancy impossible.

After telling me his story, I thanked him and told him how powerful his witness was and asked if he would share this same story with the youth so that they might understand why he had said 4 and no more. He said that he would share some of it during the rest of the weekend. Wow! The power of the priesthood, the Holy Spirit and prayer (and Fr. Parker) are a potent combination! As the weekend moved on, Bob did share parts of his story. But in the rush and structure of the talks, the clarification that was needed about the 4 and no more comment was not easy to pick up. As we got on the bus to ride back to Batavia with the rest of the group, our youth minister, Pat Haviland, Fr. Parker and I talked about the need to further clarify with our youth Bobs unexplained comments and what the Church teaches about openness to life in marriage. Before I tell you what I told them on the bus, let me explain why this was, and is, so important.

As we mark this anniversary of 43 million lives ended by the Supreme Courts decision to legalize abortion, we go back to where it started. When the Anglican Church decided in the 1930's to allow contraception in marriage, there began an immediate trend that has led to abortion and the culture of death. By saying that it was now allowable to share the marital bed without an openness to children, they reversed what had been the constant teaching of our whole multi-millennial Judeo-Christian history. By dissenting from Gods truth of Christian marriage, we have fallen to a point where even many Catholics are now using artificial contraception in their married life. If the act of conceiving a child is something to avoid as an unwanted intrusion on our freedom, then it was only a matter of time before the child once conceived in the mothers womb also became a threat. Abortion became legal to extend our freedom, without having to be responsible. And thats not where it ended. Now we have an epidemic of divorce, partial-birth abortion, human cloning, euthanasia, homosexual marriage (no need for babies in marriage, then no need for man and wife in marriage) and many other tragedies all because we did not want love with responsibility.

Lets pray that we will have the courage to trust God once again with our fertility and to accept as many children from Him as He wants to give us. God never abandons those who trust Him. Many argue that there are too many people in the world, but they overlook the fact that the entire population of the world will fit into the state of Texas with everyone having 10sq/ft. Here is the truth: Its not too many people, its too many people not sharing what they have. But there is a more central point artificial birth control hurts marriages.

When we use contraception, we say to our spouse, I give you all I have, except my fertility. Fertility is that most important part of the gift of self to spouse. It says that I love you so much that I want every act of married love to witness God and His creative power in our marriage. Without the procreation, married loves ability to witness God is diminished. When we come to the marital act, we should say, I love you so much that I want more of us. I want to make our married love express our connection with the Word spoken by the Father that gives form to nothingness. I want my marriage to create with God!

But contraception or sterilization says I want the marital act, but not the consequences of the act; the love, but not the responsibility; the recreation, but not the procreation. By separating procreation from the act, we change the act into something that does not give life and that at its core can become geared toward selfishness. This love without responsibility has as its unintended consequence the breakdown in marital communication, eventual mistrust and selfishness and, in many cases, marital infidelity and divorce. Contraception has wrought untold damage to the family, faith and society. Pleasure, the divine allurement given by God to the marital act to bring spouses to the act, becomes an end in itself and not the means to the end, which is procreation.

Let us pray that spouses will have the children God wants them to have, that fathers will be understanding and supportive of the additional demands that more children place on their wives, that families will do with less so as to be able to accept more from God and that those who cant have children will be blessed with patient understanding and consolation.

Back to the bus. I asked the teens if they had heard anything that did not sound right on that 1st night of the conference. Several raised their hands and made mention of the 4 and no more comment. I told them the story that I told you above. It was a great conversation and teaching moment. They saw what was wrong. Do we?

Yours in Christ,

Fr. Daniel J. Deutsch
Pastor of Holy Cross Catholic Church